$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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