Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
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