he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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