just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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