Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
