college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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