I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
