I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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