didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
