I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
