I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
we're so committed to being not committed
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
