I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Randomize
