i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
did i just pee glitter
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