Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
