"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Randomize