As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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