I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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