Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize