I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
