While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
