We won't sleep together?
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
