he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize