What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
So much rum. So many feels.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
