capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
