yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
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