brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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