I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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