Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
