You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
