she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
