something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
