I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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