we're chasing vodka with high fives
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize