I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
