Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Randomize
