I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
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