ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
i now understand why vodka
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
