how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
