I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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