I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
