I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
