he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
