Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
