He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
