I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
