I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
