and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
