Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
