operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize