if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize