I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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