i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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