Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
do nipples grow back?
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