im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
