im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
