my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
