Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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