so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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