This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Randomize
