Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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