I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
