I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Quick, to the slutcave!
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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