I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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