Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
