So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize