I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
