If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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