3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
