I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
