don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize