Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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