i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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