She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
