She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
i think im in europe. pls send help
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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