It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
